The reason why I started to study Psychology wasn’t because I felt bad or that I had a particular problem.
It was pure curiosity and the fact that I was the advice and the support giver in my groups. I was there for everyone 24/7.
Feeling needed had fed my self-esteem. It became the primary source of my identity.
To protect that image, I felt like I was not allowed to make a mistake. Do as I felt or say what I wanted to say.
Now I know how toxic that was.
It was only a relatively short time before I started to feel hurt, invisible and insecure. –.
I had no idea where it stemmed from.
Gradually other symptoms started to show up:
- irrational fear
- my ability to sleep has vanished. I also battled severe insomnia.
I was fortunate enough to be surrounded by the best professionals on my “battlefield” while I was studying Psychology at Middlesex University in London.
In my lecture of Neuropsychology and Emotions I realized that I am battling anxiety, depression, and insomnia.
It had slowly changed my purpose from studying psychology from curiosity to personal survival.
Now I think of this battle as a part of my education.
Before I felt ready to help other people I knew I needed to get well myself first.
I had only one goal in mind!
To Wake up fresh every morning after a good night sleep and without that excruciating pain on my chest. Most of all without that tension! That fear I felt in my whole body non-stop.
I tried it all:
Support of friends and family
Change the people around me
Diet and exercise
I guess what I am trying to say is that even if I studied that very subject with the best professors in the field, travelled or felt loved I was not able to heal alone. I simply could not put theory into practice while my mind was hacked.
It surely helped and made my life a lot easier. But it didn’t prevent me from bouncing back and forward. The punches were getting bigger and harder.
Shortly after that I found out that We Cannot figure out such a complex thing as our own
I realized I should try the goods that I offer myself. Professional Help!
It was the best choice I have ever made
Reasons why talking to a specialist was the best choice I have ever made
- I explored my patterns that kept me in a cycle I could not exit alone
- I learnt the role I played in my own life
- I was led to explore the whole spectrum of emotions that I didn’t even know I had
- I processed hidden pains that I didn’t even know I had
- I set Healthy Boundaries
- I let myself make mistakes
- I learnt what real self-love is
What came after that changed everything. From how I interacted with my loved ones to how I approached my career.
What I needed the most was the very thing I was trying to offer to others!
- Freedom of being authentic
Even if people offered it to me on a silver plate I was not able to perceive it.
I lived in a false belief I am a super human that doesn’t need any of that.
I let myself be deprived of a very basic human need. I let myself and others judge me for needing it.
I am not even going to tell you what kind of people or relationships that toxic need of mine attracted.
The things that I was able to tolerate before healing are still surprising me.
Why am I telling you all this? How does this help you?
The hard truth is that the only thing your boss, your partner, your child or your friends have in common is YOU.
To face that alone is hard and complex.
Our friends and family might be amazing but they are not objective or trained to see what we are hiding.
Having a professional that reflects back at yourself is a game changer, which helps you to reach your fullest potential as a professional, parent or a partner.
Don’t you wish that your parents had worked on themselves to pass you better tools? Or your boss to become more self-aware. Or your partner on their communication skills?